It's amazing how our mind works sometimes.. All of a sudden, all memories of the past can just come flooding back no matter how hard we may try to avoid it. I went for tuition today and witnessed vhailo after a long halt of perhaps 3 or 4 yrs. I had kind of forgotten how vhailo used to be celebrated. Since i was there till quite late, i witnessed for myself the vibrancy of vhailo. It was so nice seeing all the houses lit up for the occassion. A brilliant display of colours. As i was walking through all the hustle and bustle of kids rushing from houses to houses, i recalled how we used to celebrate vhailo. It was so much fun. Actually i kind of miss my childhood days. Those days were really carefree and worries free. It was almost as though we had no worries on our mind. All we could think about was having fun and more fun. Witnessing all those fun, i realised how much i was actually missing those days when we were young. I wanna go back time.

I realised that many a time, i really want to go back time. I hope that i can go back time so that i can led my life in a whole new different manner. Actually the kind of life that i'm living now is not the kind of life that i want. I am actually despising myself at the moment. While i was at vivo city just now, i realised that i have overlooked a lot of things in my life. I have led my life the way people had wanted me to. I had always let circumstances led me in making my decisions. Thus, from that instance on, i started reflecting on how i have led my life by far. I don't like it at all! I wanna change it. So from now on, i'm going to change it. So if from now on, there are any form of changes in me, that's cos i have received enlightenment and i really do want to led my life in a whole new manner at least the way i had always wanted to.

Sometimes letting go is really a very difficult thing. My sister and i were discussing the whole thing about how couple can break up with each other after spending years together with one another. Basically the discussion arose cos my sister's friend sister and her bf broke up after being together for 9 years. And as usual, the girl was forced to marry with another guy cos she was deemed as too old (China's culture). She did but eventually she ended up in a divorce with her husband. i just cannot understand as to how could her bf and her could have broken up with one another? It just didn't made any sense. By right shouldn't the love between two people deepen the more they are together? I never thought that love could ever fade. But then maybe it could.. i'm not sure perhaps i live in a idealistic world. I had always believed that love only happens once in a lifetime. There can only be one 'love of my life' in a person's life. The others might actually just be compromises that the person make according to circumstances. I guess the compromise the girl made by marrying another guy was the biggest mistake of her life cos in the end it still ended up in a divorce. Did her marriage failed cos she still loved her bf or did it fail cos she just could not bring herself to love another person in the same manner she did to her bf.. It's a question mark which only she can answer??? However, while witnessing all that is happening around me, i do know that next time, if i ever do wanna get married, i will definitely get married to the one who loves me. Envisioning a perfect love story gives nothing but pain and aches. For me, at the moment i want nothing but to be in the arms of mummy and daddy. Their love for me is enough at the moment. I miss them so much.

Cleaned up my room finally after so long. And i actually thought that my room looked pretty clean and tidy. And it looks surprisingly bigger as well. I guess i was really untidy in the beginning. Well, to have a fresh start, we must first begin from the room making sure it's clean and tidy. But i guess in less than a week, it will be back to normal as in back to the untidy state. But i'll try and maintain the cleaniness.. Tomorrow hmmm logically speaking it should be today, we have a halloween celebration in hall. Hope i can make it back for the celebration though i guess i'll be stuck in tuition for pretty long though. But tuition wil be fun as well cos tomorrow they still have 'dhuisuray' wrong speling but who cares.. I guess i'll be reliving my childhood days once more time tomorrow..=)